Is It Okay If I Don’t Want My Parents Watching Me Perform?

Something I hear more often than you’d think is this: “I don’t want my parents to come to my meet, game, or performance.”

This usually isn’t because the athlete doesn’t care about their parents. In fact, it’s often because they care a lot, and that can make being watched feel overwhelming.

Maybe you’re reading this because you’ve said those words yourself. Maybe you notice your whole mood shifts when someone you love is in the stands. Maybe you’re exhausted by the post-game breakdowns, or maybe you just want one part of your life that feels like yours.

Whatever your reason, know this: you’re not wrong for feeling that way, and you’re definitely not alone.

Feeling Weird About Being Watched?

Most athletes I talk to have had at least one moment where being watched by a parent, coach, or important person felt more stressful than supportive. It’s not about being ungrateful. It’s about how visibility changes the way your brain processes performance.

When someone important to you is in the audience, it no longer feels like a routine, match, or game. It can start to feel like a performance for them. That extra layer can change normal nerves into intense pressure.

Why It Feels So Big (Even If You Love Them)

Pressure to Perform “For” Someone

You want to make them proud, and suddenly their opinion feels like the highest-stakes part of the competition.

Fear of Letting Them Down

A mistake or missed routine can feel heavier when you imagine their disappointment, even if they never say anything.

Wanting Space That’s Just for You

Sports can be one of the few places where you get to define yourself. Having parents watch sometimes makes that space feel smaller.

You’re Not Doing It Wrong, You’re Being Honest

Wanting space doesn’t mean you don’t care about your parents. It means you’re paying attention to what helps you focus and feel confident. That kind of self-awareness is a strength.

Athletes who figure out what supports them (and what doesn’t) usually have more tools for handling pressure in the long run. Setting boundaries here isn’t about rejection but creating the conditions you need to do your best.

Three Questions to Help You Figure Out What You Want

If you’re not sure how to explain it or even what you need, start with these prompts:

What feels hard about being watched?

Is it the immediate pressure? The feedback afterward? Just knowing someone’s eyes are on you?

What would help me feel more supported?

Would it help if your parent sat in the back row? Only cheered at the end? Gave you space after the game?

What kind of conversation do I want with my parent(s)?

Do you want to explain, “This isn’t about you, it’s about me”? Or brainstorm together what support could look like?

How to Talk to Your Parents About Not Wanting Them to Watch

Okay, so let’s say you’ve reflected on your answers to the three questions. You know what feels hard about being watched, you’ve thought about what kind of support would help, and you’ve decided to share that with your parents.

Here’s the part that can feel awkward: how do you actually say it out loud without hurting their feelings?

A few things to keep in mind before you start:

• Start with gratitude. Let them know you appreciate how much they care.

  
  

• Be specific. Share what feels tough for you when they’re there and what would feel better instead.

  
  

• Make it about you, not them. Frame it as your need for focus rather than something they’re doing wrong.

Here are some sample scripts you could borrow or adapt:

• “I know you love watching me, and I love having your support. Right now, I focus better when I don’t see you in the stands. Could we talk about other ways you could cheer me on before or after?”

  
  

• “It makes me more nervous when I know you’re watching, even though I know you mean well. For now, would you be okay sitting farther back or waiting until after the game to check in?”

  
  

• “I’m figuring out what helps me feel confident. One thing that would help is…”

If you’re younger or just want a short version, you could simply say:

• “I get too nervous when I see you watching. Can you support me by [insert your preference here] instead?”

Remember: setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’re creating conditions that help you perform your best. Most parents would rather know how to support you than guess and get it wrong.

Takeaways

Feeling anxious about being watched doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or that something is wrong. It usually means you care about the people watching, and you care about your performance. And it means you’re learning what your body and mind need to feel steady.

Reflection prompt: Try filling in this sentence:

“I feel ______ when I’m being watched because ______. What I actually need is ______.”

Then decide: do I want to keep this for myself, or share it with someone I trust?

If figuring out these boundaries feels complicated, a sport psychologist can help you sort through the pressure and find strategies that actually work for you.

START HERE

Legal Disclaimer:

This blog post is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, psychological services, or medical advice. Reading this post does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are seeking support for your mental health or well-being, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional in your area.