what should parents and coaches say to athletes about their bodies?
- Alyssa Zajdel, PhD
- Jul 20
- 4 min read
Growing up in the competitive world of figure skating, I was immersed in a highly aesthetic sport culture where the visual appearance of an athlete's body often carried as much social weight as the technical skills they performed. While I was fortunate enough not to personally experience explicit body shaming from the adults in my corner, the devastating impact of toxic body-talk was a constant, sobering presence in the stories shared around the rink.
I vividly remember learning about a fellow skater who received so many negative comments from authority figures about being “too heavy” to land her jumps that she spiraled into severe food restriction. By the time she turned eighteen, the combination of intense pressure and prolonged malnutrition had left her battling an eating disorder and a diagnosis of osteoporosis.
Now, as a sport psychologist, I frequently consult with parents and coaches who are paralyzed by the fear of causing that exact type of psychological or physiological harm. Out of an anxious desire to protect the young performers in their care, many adults choose total silence.
Yet, this complete avoidance backfires, turning body image into a massive elephant in the room and leaving athletes feeling completely isolated in their struggles. It leaves them alone to navigate a relentless media landscape that explicitly profits from manufacturing physical dissatisfaction.
Our responsibility as supporters is to dismantle these systemic pressures and offer a safe, grounded framework in which bodies are valued for what they can achieve, rather than for how they look.
the harm of careless critiques and anxious silence
Research explicitly demonstrates that body-talk (which encompasses negative comments, compliments, or self-critical remarks about physical shape) is remarkably prevalent across all athletic environments, even in non-aesthetic sports.1
When parents and coaches realize the power of their words, the resulting anxiety can cause them to shut down communication entirely.2 Unfortunately, absolute silence does not protect young competitors; it simply reinforces the idea that their physical doubts are too shameful to discuss openly.
When adults do speak, careless remarks or jokes about an athlete's weight or body size can be deeply detrimental to their long-term self-esteem. This vulnerability is not unique to female athletes; body dissatisfaction and disordered eating patterns severely impact male, non-binary, and gender-diverse athletes as well.
Furthermore, when a coach or parent makes a self-critical comment about their own physique, athletes still receive the underlying message that certain bodies are fundamentally good while others are bad.
Explicitly comparing teammates or declaring that a specific body type is mandatory for success completely ignores the reality that deliberate effort and consistent training matter immensely for actual performance.
shifting from aesthetic pressure to functional metrics
In certain athletic spaces, physical measurements are treated as a structural necessity, such as weight check-ins to establish competitive weight classes in wrestling or rowing.
However, even within these structured boundaries, over-emphasizing body measurements remains psychologically hazardous.3 When data points become the central focus of adult feedback, athletes quickly internalize a hyper-focus on metrics, which can easily distort their relationship with food and movement.
It helps to notice how deeply we’ve all been taught to view human bodies as things to be constantly fixed, shrunk, or optimized. But an athlete’s body isn’t a billboard on display for everyone else’s evaluation. It is their instrument for movement, performance, and life.
When feedback emphasizes shape over skill, it fosters a rigid mindset where any natural developmental change in size feels like a failure. By intentionally shifting our focus, we can teach young high performers to value what their bodies can do, rather than how they look.
best ways to talk to performers about their bodies
Fortunately, research from D1 athletes shows the vast majority of coaches genuinely desire to promote a healthy, performance-focused body image among their athletes.4 Achieving this balance requires transitioning away from aesthetic commentary and focusing conversations on functional, health-promoting behaviors.
To build a secure, empowering team environment, prioritize the following communication:
Focus on Performance Factors: Frame feedback around building functional strength, enhancing flexibility, and refining specific technical skills that directly improve performance.
Discuss Health-Promoting Behaviors: Direct the conversation toward the daily habits that fuel sustainable excellence, including proper nutrition, deliberate sleep, and healthy socialization.
Offer Individualized Support: If you have legitimate clinical or performance concerns about a specific athlete's health, address them privately in a setting of unconditional support.
Cultivate Secure Relationships: The safer, more supportive, and more attuned the coach-athlete (or parent-child) relationship is, the more comfortable performers will feel opening up about their body-related anxieties.5
Ultimately, your steady, non-judgmental presence serves as a powerful buffer against external scrutiny, providing young performers with the psychological safety they need to thrive.
Before your next training session or car ride home, ask yourself: Am I evaluating my athlete based on an aesthetic standard, or am I helping them appreciate what their body is capable of doing?
ready to build a grounded performance environment?
Navigating conversations about body image, pressure, and confidence can feel incredibly delicate, but your support system is ready to help. At Inside Edge Counseling and Consulting, our sport psychology team partners with athletes, parents, and coaches to develop actionable communication tools that protect well-being while supporting elite execution. Reach out today to explore individual consultations, parent coaching sessions, or team workshops.
legal disclaimer
This blog post is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, psychological services, or medical advice. Reading this post does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are seeking support for your mental health or well-being, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional in your area.
references
[1] Lucibello, K. M., Koulanova, A., Pila, E., Brunet, J., & Sabiston, C. M. (2021). Exploring adolescent girls’ experiences of body talk in non-aesthetic sport. Journal of Adolescence, 89, 63-73.
[2] Sabiston, C. M., Lucibello, K. M., Kuzmochka-Wilks, D., Koulanova, A., Pila, E., Sandmeyer-Graves, A., & Maginn, D. (2020). What’s a coach to do? Exploring coaches’ perspectives of body image in girls sport. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 63, Article 102273. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2022.102273
[3] Varea, V., Primus, R. S., Barker-Ruchti, N., & Quennerstedt, M. (2025). The anatomy of body shaming in sports coaching. Sport in society, 28(5), 722-739.
[4] Coppola, A. M., Ward, R. M., & Freysinger, V. J. (2014). Coaches’ communication of sport body image: Experiences of female athletes. Journal of applied sport psychology, 26(1), 1-16.
[5] Kraemer, M. (2021). Importance of Coaches' Communication: A Pathway to Understanding the Effect on High School Female Athletes and Body Image.
