What Should I Do When My Athlete Cries?

I’ve cried more times than I can count because of sport, quietly after a tough skate, suddenly during a practice, even in moments that didn’t seem “big enough” to cry about. I remember one time as a teenager, crying out of sheer frustration during a drill. A teammate rushed over to comfort me, and I felt instantly more exposed. Their concern was kind, but also disorienting; it made me feel like something was wrong with me for reacting the way I did.

Now, as someone who supports athletes, I see those moments through a very different lens.

Tears in sport aren’t about drama or weakness. They’re often a signal that something inside matters deeply. And as supporters (whether we’re parents, coaches, teammates, or therapists), how we respond in those vulnerable moments can either open the door to trust or quietly reinforce shame.

Why Tears Are Not an Emergency

We live in a culture that often treats crying as a red flag or a sign of emotional instability. In the world of youth and high-performance sport, that pressure gets amplified. The higher the stakes, the more we expect athletes to be composed, focused, and "mentally tough," which too often gets translated as emotionless.

But crying isn’t a crisis. It’s a regulation strategy. It’s how the body releases emotional overload, such as stress, disappointment, anger, grief, fear, or even relief. And it shows up across identities and experiences: from athletes who’ve internalized messages about having to be “stoic,” to those navigating the added layers of racialized performance expectations, neurodivergence, or gendered assumptions about emotional expression.

A tearful moment isn’t the enemy of performance. It's often a path to deeper self-awareness and growth if we let it be.

How We Accidentally Add Shame

Even with the best intentions, we can inadvertently send unhelpful messages in emotionally charged moments. Statements like:

• “You’re okay, don’t cry.”

  
  

• “Toughen up—you’ve got this.”

  
  

• “Don’t let them see you upset.”

  
  

These phrases might come from a place of wanting to comfort or protect, but they can make an athlete feel like they’re failing just for feeling.

And for athletes who already feel pressure to prove themselves (especially those from historically excluded or under-resourced communities), those subtle cues can reinforce the idea that only certain types of emotions (or athletes) are acceptable.

Instead of helping, these responses can teach athletes to bottle up, shut down, or disconnect from their feelings. And that disconnection? It doesn’t help long-term performance or well-being.

Supportive Things to Say (and What to Avoid)

When your athlete cries, your job isn’t to fix it; it’s to be present.

Here are a few supportive responses that help:

• “I can see this matters to you. I’m here.”

  
  

• “It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Take your time.”

  
  

• “Would it help to talk, or do you need some space right now?”

  
  

• “Thanks for trusting me with how you’re feeling.”

  
  

What to avoid:

• Minimizing the emotion (“It’s not a big deal”)

  
  

• Rushing them to stop crying

  
  

• Making it about your own discomfort (“I hate seeing you like this!”)

  
  

Holding space means allowing the emotion to exist without judgment or urgency. It tells your athlete: You’re safe to be human here.

What Crying Can Teach Us About Our Athletes

Tears often show up at the intersection of effort, identity, and unmet expectations. They can signal:

• A high level of investment

  
  

• Internal conflict or perfectionism

  
  

• Feelings of invisibility or injustice

  
  

• The weight of unspoken stress (academic, familial, or social)

  
  

When we pause and get curious instead of reactive, tears can give us valuable insight into what an athlete needs, not just to succeed in sport, but to feel seen and supported as a whole person.

Takeaways

When your athlete cries, it’s not your job to solve it. It’s your opportunity to show them they don’t have to hide what they feel to be respected.

Emotions are part of high performance, not a distraction from it. When we hold space without shame, we create an environment that allows our athletes to develop the emotional flexibility and self-awareness they’ll carry for life. 

What’s one message you want your athlete to believe about emotions in sport? Take a moment to reflect on how your presence can help shape that belief.

Want Support Navigating Emotions in Sport?

If you're a parent, coach, or professional looking to better support the emotional side of sport, our team at Inside Edge Counseling and Consulting is here to help. Reach out to connect with a sport psychology professional who understands the unique pressures athletes face.

START HERE

Legal Disclaimer

This blog post is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, psychological services, or medical advice. Reading this post does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are seeking support for your mental health or well-being, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional in your area.