How Should Parents and Coaches Talk About Stats Without Adding Pressure?

I’ve noticed that even when parents and coaches have good intentions, the way stats get talked about can still land heavily. A raised eyebrow, a quick comment about performance, or silence after a loss can speak volumes, even if nothing was meant by it.

It’s rarely intentional. But over time, those little moments can send a message: that what matters most is the number on the stat sheet.

Why Stats Conversations Can Feel So High-Stakes

Athletes are often already putting intense pressure on themselves. When stats become the focus of conversations with adults, it reinforces the idea that numbers are the most important part of sport.

I’ve worked with athletes who:

• Hide performance details from parents because they’re afraid of the reaction

• Dread the car ride home after a game, even if they played decently

• Replay coach feedback over and over in their heads, trying to make sense of what wasn’t “enough”

• Feel like praise is conditional—only offered when the stat sheet looks good

This is especially true for high achievers, perfectionists, and athletes who don’t feel emotionally safe to be imperfect.

What Athletes Want From Adults

Something I often talk about with clients is how badly many athletes want to feel seen beyond their performance. They don’t mind being coached or challenged—but they do want to know that their effort, leadership, and emotional resilience matter, too.

They want parents and coaches to notice things like:

• How they supported a teammate after a tough play

• How they stayed focused even when frustrated

• How they came back strong after a mistake

• How they managed their nerves in a high-pressure moment

Stats don’t capture those wins, but your words can.

How to Talk About Stats Without Making Them the Center

Stats don’t have to be off-limits. They can offer insight, spark conversation, and help with goal-setting. But how you talk about them matters.

Here are a few approaches that keep things supportive:

1. Ask about experience first

Instead of starting with numbers, ask, “How did that feel for you?” or “What part felt tough today?”

2. Use neutral language

Try, “Let’s look at what the numbers show,” instead of “That was a bad stat line.”

3. Celebrate process wins

Point out progress that isn’t number-based: focus, recovery, communication, staying grounded under pressure.

4. Check your timing

Not every conversation needs to happen in the car ride home. Give space for the athlete to decompress and process on their terms.

5. Don’t assume the stat tells the whole story

Ask, “Was that what you expected?” or “Was there more going on out there?” before jumping to conclusions.

Takeaway: Your Words Help Shape the Relationship to Pressure

How parents and coaches talk about stats becomes part of how athletes talk to themselves. Your reactions—especially in high-emotion moments—can either reinforce shame or invite curiosity.

Athletes already know the numbers. They often need help making sense of them in a way that builds confidence, not fear.

If you’re a parent or coach, take a moment to reflect: What do you usually comment on after a performance? How might that be landing with the athlete? And if you’re not sure what they need, ask them. We’re here to support those conversations.

START HERE

Legal Disclaimer:

This blog post is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, psychological services, or medical advice. Reading this post does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are seeking support for your mental health or well-being, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional in your area.